Pained Feelings
by jinky
Summary: A young girl (unnamed) have seen the whole fight on the Great Naruto Bridge. She have heard all and seen all (well not all cause of the mist). A year later, she revisited the two graves and poured her emotions out. (Behind the scene character)


Disclaimers: I don't own Naruto.

Author's notes: Maa… just another one of my pointless fics. Just a drabble okay?

Summary: This occurs after the time Haku died. Someone managed to see the whole fight with her own two hands. This occurs a year later. This is a behind-the-scene character doing all the talking.

Blood…

…death…

Was that what a shinobi's life is like? I can't understand. I don't understand. And I do not wish to understand.

Why must shinobis live in a life full of misery?

Full of death?

Hate?

Blood?

Violence?

Sometimes, I don't regret my decision to not join a ninja academy. My parents were both shinobis of the water country. They wanted me to follow their steps.

But…

I'm not like them. I despise blood. I despise death. I despise violence.

And to see such scenery in front of my own two eyes.

I cannot bear it.

That masked boy, Haku I believe was his name, really cared for that man with the huge sword. I have met him a year ago. I bumped into his shoulder, and we talked for a bit. Even though I just met him once, I believe, and I know that he has a huge heart.

I don't know his past. I don't know what happened. But I could see sadness deep within his eyes. I believe that he never experienced love… just like I never experienced it as well.

I can see that he despise killing too.

I know that we may have many things in common. But one thing… I want to ask one thing if I just could.

Though it is much impossible by this time…

Why do you want to sacrifice yourself? Why do you want to become a shinobi even though you despise all of their 'activities' so much?

I remember myself kneeling… with my face buried in my hands… unable to look at the scene before me.

I wanted to cry… I wanted to run… but I can't.

It was like my knees were glued on the spot…

I don't want to see it anymore…

So you see? Do you see the reason on why I didn't grant my parents' desires?

Do you know what happened to them? Do you know where they are? Do you know what they are?

I'll answer the questions for you.

They died. Dead. They are somewhere far away… never to return. What they are… they are corpses. Corpses that rotted a lot time ago. They were all foolish. All of them are so foolish.

Haku was no exception either.

All of them who fought were no exception.

Why do they kill? What are their motives? Do they enjoy the blood that stained their hands, body, mind, and soul?

I remember him… telling me…

_'Do you have someone to protect? If you have someone to protect, it will lead you to your true strength. That is when they will become strong?'_

Strong?!

You call being killed as being strong?!

Stop kidding me!

I know you're dead… I wanted you to hear my words to badly… but you can't.

I heard you say: _'I want to fulfill his dreams. When he's happy, I'm happy.'_

Is that what true happiness is?

To just _die _for someone?

I don't know why you think that way… I'm not you…

But this is what I could say…

**_WHY CAN'T YOU FIND TRUE HAPPINESS?!_**

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Is fulfilling his dream all that matters to you?! Is his life the only thing that matters?! Don't you even have a dream that you could use for **your **good?!

I don't understand you shinobis! I don't understand you at all!

I heard that pink haired girl say: "Rule 25 of a shinobi: A shinobi must always keep their emotions within. They must make their mission their top priority. They should make themselves as emotionless beings."

Is being a shinobi must be that harsh?!

I also heard you say… _'A shinobi is merely a tool for battle…'_

Is that what you really are? A mere tool?

If that is so… I will never regret my decision of living a simple life.

Why am I saying these things? You're dead…

I decided to search my heart and came up with an answer…

I do not hate you…

Why? How can I hate someone with such a pure heart? Someone who had to endure a lot of hardships just to get through life?

I know I'm being weird. But I'm just letting out my feelings.

Hah. Here am I… in front of the two graves… talking to myself thinking that the dead will take heed my words…

…somehow… I hope that you can hear them.

I want you to know how I feel… even though you're already dead.

I may not be a shinobi, but I know what a shinobi's life is like…

That's why I despise them…

But I do not despise you…

After all, how could I? I actually admire you for what you are. A shinobi that is utterly deserving or respect… even though I see you as another fool… you are a shinobi that was kindhearted enough to fake-death his opponent and give his own life to the person he cherishes the most…

That Uchiha kid is another example.

I wouldn't be able to do that.

I hate to admit it… but you have earned by respect. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy.

I turned by back from your grave, leaving the white roses in front of your cloth that had always been there.

I will always remember you… for I have never seen a shinobi like you… hah. A shinobi that have earned my respect… quite unusual.

…sayonara.

Author's notes: Well… how was it? I know… it's kinda weird. But I kept watching the episode on where Sasuke 'died' saving Naruto and Haku died saving Zabuza. I just suddenly though: 'What if there was somebody who actually heard and saw all of that? What will that person feel?' Then poof! That appeared. Hope you like it! **NO FLAMES! **Reviews please!

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